Masculinizing Vegetables

As long as we believe that the sole purpose of salads is for women to laugh alone with them, there’s going to be a lot of macho men avoiding vegetables to keep their cojones intact. An understandable reaction, I daresay!

But I want to be part of the solution, dear readers. Men should be able to enjoy vegetables with gusto! Not only because they’re good for you (depending upon medication and whatnot), but because they’re delicious! Alas, vegetables cannot win over a population just because they’re awesome. If there’s anything I learned about getting people to do stuff, it’s that you need to speak to your audience about their values, in this case, cojones integrity.


From Wikimedia Commons/Larsinio

Carrots are ripped from the earth to be demolished by your teeth! They’re orange like tigers! Be the badass who conquers carrots!


From Wikimedia Commons/Evan-Amos

Kale is bitter like the hops in an IPA. You’re not one to shrink from delicious bitterness. Make your greasy meats and hearty stews even more manly by adding Kale!


Copyright: cukmen / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright: cukmen / 123RF Stock Photo

Broccoli is the food of empires and the powerful! It was called the “five green fingers of Jupiter” by Roman cultivars. It doesn’t get more manly than the king of gods.


From Wikimedia Commons/Mahlum

You think lettuce is girly and weak? You’re wrong! This is astronaut food, gentleman! There are lettuces that have spent their entire leafy lives in space! Can you top that?

Butternut Squash

Courtesy of :
From Wikimedia Commons/George Chernilevsky

Power through the hard outer shell to feast on the meaty, succulent innards of the butternut squash. Grill it over leaping flames for additional manliness.

(Nods to Thug Kitchen for making vegetables cool.)

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