Thank you for calling Insuracablutility Conglomerate. Your call is important to us, and we are committed to using confusion and obfuscation to ensure that you will call us again.
Our current wait time is between 3 hours and the next new moon. If you would like the false hope provided by leaving your contact information and a detailed voice message, please press #. Otherwise, please continue to hold.
You have chosen to continue to hold. Our current wait time is between 5 hours and the crowning of the next British monarch. As a service to you, Insuracablutility Conglomerate provides a variety of hold music. Please select the hold music that will best mold your emotional state for when, or if, you speak to a customer service representative.
For a sense of unfounded optimism that will inevitably be betrayed, please press 1 for “Un Bel Di.”